I know last month’s article was a little depressing but it was important and here’s why: We take daily actions in pursuit of a better life, to move away from pain and towards happiness, while the underlying emotions of fear and greed drive us. It is within these actions that we should investigate and become aware of their effects. The “better life” has a price and that price is unknown. The “better life” is culturally conditioned.
I remember one time when I was a kid I was grounded for the day, and I sat at my window staring out with my nose pressed as close to the screen as possible to feel any fresh air and sunlight I could. Seeing and hearing the other kids playing brought feelings of anger, fear, jealousy, and envy. I wanted to be outside so bad. But I sat and endured.
The idea behind that story was that there was plenty to do in my room to keep me busy while grounded. But I wanted to be outside, I wanted to be with other people. Deeper within was the fear of missing out on life and the fear of being alone.
I didn’t want to be alone because that’s when the questions come up.
What if I’m not good enough, what if I’m unlovable, what if no one likes me, what if everyone is perfectly happy without me?
Tying this into last months article you can see we all have similar underlying fears. And it is our fears that drive our every action. I felt inadequate and unlovable so I chose a career as a musician where I could get unlimited approval and attention from people, all the while I was taking actions to push those who were closest to me away. My belief was I could be validated and approved of by performing well, but to perform well I had to sacrifice time away from family and friends. I found the perfect torture device for a person who feels unworthy of happiness and love with a fear of being alone. I was utterly and desperately alone and couldn’t stop running.
It’s like the end of Forrest Gump when he is in Vietnam, he just keeps running until he gets to the point when he’s all alone, then he runs back into the woods to find those he left behind, and only a few are there.
I was running and I thought I was going somewhere but literally I was just sprinting in place and destroying my life slowly. The brain tumor was the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Painful yes, but a philosophy bestowed upon me that many don’t get until later in life when it’s too late. My mission is to share it. My questions for you are:
What are you afraid of? What are you running from? What in the deepest part of you do you fear?
I once spent 10 days alone in a silent meditation retreat learning from the greatest teacher I’ve ever known. On about the 10th day I let go of fear and all of my past and future seemed to disappear. There was nothing else but moment to moment and I became more at peace then ever in my life. Once I saw that I was okay with nothing more than food, shelter, water, and toilet everything else in life was a beautiful compliment to my already perfect content life.
It is so hard to stop and see what a precious miracle life is. But you must identify and confront your fears. Once you confront your deep-rooted emotions driving you…everything will change. A light turns on in your world that will illuminate peace and love endlessly.
Then you can move forward, then you can build your dreams, then like Jim Rohn says, “be happy with what you have in pursuit of what you want”. You must accept yourself and your life exactly as it is then enjoy the journey moment-to-moment, step-by-step, and breath-by-breath.